i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
