I seem to have left my pride at pride
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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