I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
