Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
