I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
