She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
