Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
