your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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