I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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