I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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