im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
