The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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