i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
