Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
