She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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