I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
