New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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