1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
