That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
