ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
