how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
