Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
