Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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