By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
