FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
