dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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