Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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