Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
