Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
