I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
