I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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