im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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