who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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