I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
