i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
