I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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