i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
