make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to sanitize my soul.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
