What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
