i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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