We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
