dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
