We named our party play list daddy issues
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
