I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just tell him i said nine months
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
