Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
