3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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