cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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