He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
