I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
