he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
