she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
