Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
